Women & Marriage

The Head

/ Joan C. Thomson

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Ephesians 5:23

This one verse has been a pivotal point of controversy in the Church but much of the controversy comes from a misunderstanding of one word— “head.”  Paul uses the Greek word “kephale” but we get stuck when we think of the English word head—we think it means “boss.”  When I was co-founding chapter of an international Christian women’s group in Texas and going through leadership training, our team was  told, “We don’t want bosses here, we want leaders.”  And as it turns out, the word kephale has no relationship to boss or even leader though Paul could have chosen one that did—but he didn’t; he and the Holy Spirit knew what they were doing!

Here is a list of what kephale DOES NOT mean: headmaster, head of a family, head of state, head of the clan, head of the household, headman, principal or supreme—all of these come from words other than kephale.  The word simply means that which sits on one’s shoulders—a physical head with eyes, nose, mouth and ears, or it can mean a head of garlic (I don’t think he meant that!) or LIFE.*  So when you read Ephesians 5:23 with the definition of “life”, it would say, “For the husband is the life of the wife as Christ is the life of the church”  Wow!  That makes a difference!  It fits the context of the verse is of husbands laying down their lives for their wives, loving and nurturing them—not ruling them.

* www.perseus.tufts.edu: Liddell,Scott; Georg Autenrieth, A Homeric Dictionary;

www.uchicago.edu Woodhouse’s English Greek Dictionary

 

Submission

/ Joan C. Thomson

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:21-32

The dreaded “S word”–submit.  Many preachers are afraid to tackle this subject—afraid of being “the bad guy” and many others tackle with this subject—not caring if they’re “the bad guy.” The Bible does indeed say that wives are to submit to their husbands, but there are a couple things to note.  In the Greek, the word submit, doesn’t even appear in Ephesians 5:22 but comes from verse 21 “submit to one another, out of reverence for Christ”—all Christians are to submit to one another.  It’s about mutual submission because we love Jesus and we love each other.  The Greek word translated as “submit” is hupotasso, which is a military term; when it’s used in a non-military sense as this is, it means to voluntarily come under with the idea of cooperating together to accomplish something*.  Paul and Peter always spoke directly to the wives and never told the husbands to make them submit.  I’ve come across several women who want nothing to do with God because their fathers, while beating their mothers yelled, “Woman, submit!”**

From the beginning, it was not so…  Incidentally, the Bible never tells all women to submit to all men just because they’re men.  And it NEVER commands women whether Old Covenant or New, to obey their husbands.  But Sarah obeyed Abraham… Yes, but she chose that and was commended not commanded. (However, God commanded Abraham to listen to his wife and do what she said concerning Hagar. (Genesis 21:12)

If you look at the whole section in Ephesians 5 you’ll see that once again, the Bible interprets itself.  Paul emphasizes one role of Jesus toward the church as a comparison to marriage, that of giving his life up for her.  Paul used a metaphor; metaphors don’t compare on every point, only those that the author emphasizes, just as when we refer to Jesus as “the Lion of Judah,” we refer to his strength, power, and leadership, even ferocity.  We’re not saying that he has four paws and a tail and sleeps all day draped over tree branches!  In the same way, Paul does not mean to compare husbands to Jesus in every way.  A husband can never save wives from their sin, he didn’t create them and he’s certainly not God!  What Paul does say is that a husband is to love her as much as he loves himself, to feed and care for her—just as Jesus did and does for the Church (this was a culture that treated women with contempt and as property), even leaving his family behind.  Notice that the majority of the instruction is to the husband!  It’s about love not rulership!

Think about it, when you go to a salon to get your hair cut, you have to voluntarily come under the stylist, you have to sit still and let him or her serve you.  Peter didn’t want to allow Jesus to serve him by washing his feet—he didn’t want to hupotasso to Jesus’ loving service.  Jesus washed his disciples’ feet to be an example for us to serve one another.

*Bauer’s Ardnt Gingrich, (Chicago University of Chicago Press) 847

Thayer’s Greek Lexicon (software)

** In fact, God is very plain that he is against turning against one’s wife. And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying;
So He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore, take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” NKJV

 

Priest of the Household

/ Joan C. Thomson

But isn’t the husband the priest of the household?  I’ve searched the New Testament through and cannot find a single reference to that.  I find that those of us who follow Jesus are all “a holy and royal priesthood” (1 Peter 2:5; 1 Peter 2:9) and that “there is only one mediator—our high priest, Jesus. (1 Timothy 2:5)  Not only is it not there but why would any women or only married women need an extra intermediary?[1]  We can all “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence” (Hebrews 4: 16).   Where I have found husbands as priests of the household is in Mormonism[2], Roman paganism[3] and in Nigerian Juju spiritism.[4]

The earliest Christian reference I’ve found is in one of Charles Spurgeon’s sermons[5] but he didn’t say where he got it.  I know people have meant well, they seem to have said, hmmm “spiritual head” (it’s not spiritual head, but metaphorical or figurative head—“Buddhism considers husbands to be the spiritual head of the Burmese household because of his spiritual status.”[6]) that means leader (it means “life”) sooo, they think, an example of a

[1] See J. Lee Grady, 10 Lies the Church Tells Women, (Creation House) 76

[2] www.lds.mormon.com/second_anointing.shtml concept 7; www.ldsendowment.org/secondanointing.html ;

PBS special The Mormons, aired February 4, 2010

[3] Everett Ferguson Backgrounds of Early Christianity (Eerdmans) 158 from H.H. Scullard Festivals of& Ceremonies of the Roman Republic

[4] Ruthanne Garlock, Fire in His Bones (biography Benson Idahosa) 13

[5] Charles Spurgeon, Spurgeon’s Sermons on New Testament Women 149

[6] Pauline King, Countries of the World, (Gareth Stevens Publishing) 22